I walked back home from school. I cried back home from school.

The park connector was beautiful, with the sunset and greenery it made brilliance. Accompanied by Elvis Presley's sentimentals, and some good tears I finished my journey in 20 minutes. It didn't seem so long as it seemed, and I enjoyed the breeze that brushed across my body. I replayed 'Hurt' for a few times, its melody and his voice forced my emotions to surface. It was terrible, to know I have to walk back home alone because there wasn't anyone I could call to 'seek refuge'. I dodged at the sight of cyclers and joggers, because I don't want them to see my sloppy look. I did try to keep them, but god knows why they ooze at devil's business. It was bad, I weeped and stopped, and weeped and stopped again.

It reminds me of the time both of us walked home along the highway, and you took a few pictures of sunset. I looked at my right, my hands were swaying freely. I wonder, where is the other hand which was onced locked into mine? I miss you greatly Yvonne... I really do. I broke down and got a little devastated in school when I was waiting for my CDS, alone. I had nobody to turn to, nobody to call. All I could do, was wait alone. And as usual, I am the outcast in class. I could take it because I had you, that's why I didn't bother to know more people. Now I truly had nobody to ask for.

I needed to chant desperately yesterday to calm myself. And it is the first time I cried while I chanted. It drove me mad when I think of you, when I can't find you... At my deepest moments, you weren't there to carry me. Fuck, I'm crying again...

I told myself, to stay stern and never break down in front of my classmates. I can't lose my sly and cunning status, because I'll then become shit. When I get home, I lose myself. I lost all that was in me to laugh and smile. People were right, comedians and clowns are the most depressed people. But who sees it? I need a shrink....

You had your friends everytime, or at least when you try to locate them. I'm glad, maybe you didn't have a lot of chances to make new friends while you were with me. I'm lonely, lonely to do anything. You got a friend to work together with, I don't even have a friend in my Braun Buffel job.

The only thing I could do when I reach home, is to play my harmonica, my guitar that I wanted to play and sing for you... Learn new chords everyday, learn new songs... There's nothing else I can do.. Nothing...

Whenever I cry, whenever I break down, I call out god's name, hoping for him to salavage me.. I can't take it anymore.. Why do I still cry.....

I'm sorry I didn't treat you well enough...

I love you, I really do...